At the end of all things, you are not alone
by Mel Morganne
Summary: As Cassian and Jyn collapse on the beach on Scarif, their thoughts flash back over the previous few days. How had they ended up here together as unlikely allies, and even unlikelier friends? One-shot.


**A/N:** After watching Rogue One I just couldn't help but write this one-shot. I absolutely loved the changing relationship between Cassian and Jyn and was really glad that the screenwriters did not turn it into a romance. That scene at the end where they're hugging each other right before they die just gave me way too many feels. Enjoy reading this little one-shot and let me know what you think!

* * *

My first impressions of him? Calculating, ruthless, controlling. Definitely smart - he wasn't an Intelligence Officer for nothing. If I were anyone else, I also would have said that Captain Cassian Andor was intimidating. But this was hardly my first time in custody or being interrogated so he didn't really phase me. I didn't care about him or his questions. I played it cool, kept my answers vague. I knew how to play his game and I wasn't about to let him get an advantage.

Even when he pulled what he thought were his trump cards - my father and Saw Gerrera. Even that couldn't get me to react. My past had stopped mattering to me a long time ago; all it had ever given me was trouble and I could see that it was catching up to me again. There was too much anger and pain in the past. I had spent my life trying to run away from it and I wasn't about to turn about and face it.

I could play along though. I didn't care about the Rebellion or this captain but if going along with him to Jedha was my chance at freedom, I'd take it. Of course he was using me as a tool, but I could use him too. The faster this was done and over with, the faster I would be out of here. There was no love lost on that U-Wing as we headed to Jedha. The captain and his murderous snarky droid clearly didn't like me nor even want me there but that was fine with me. The feeling was completely mutual.

There was no way he was getting his hands on my blaster though. If the situation ever went sour, I'd be gone in a flash and having a weapon ready was always advantageous.

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when the captain told me that rebellions were built on hope. He didn't seem like the kind of guy that got too sentimental about anything. His face was an impregnable mask. I wondered if he kept any emotions under there.

He's handy in a fight though, I'll give him that. I wouldn't go as far as to say that he saved my life when the rebels attacked those stormtroopers and we got caught in the crossfire because I definitely had a Plan B rolling in my mind, but he did make things easier. And he knew how to keep his cool, I'll hand that to him as well. He stayed calm and focused and kept his head in the game.

—

I knew she was trouble the second I laid eyes on her. The squared shoulders, raised chin, defiant eyes - she didn't scare easily and wasn't going to be intimidated. She was a survivor which meant she had guts and knew how to get her way out of a scrape but she was also a runner. It was clear that she didn't care about anyone or anything except herself.

When Mon Mothma had made the suggestion that she come with me to Jedha I almost stepped in and said no. I had never been the type to do missions with someone else - too many uncontrolled variables and a disaster in the making. This one would have definitely made things worse. She looked more likely to stab me in the back and make a run for it than stick to the mission. But apparently there was a lack of time and some people thought she'd be help. For the sake of the mission, for the sake of the rebellion, I was willing to bite my tongue and deal with her.

The fact that the other part of my mission was to locate and kill her father did not make me break stride. I had learned long ago to not think too much about my orders. If I started second-guessing them, if I started mixing the black and white into grey, the mission would fail. If I wanted to be able to sleep at night I had to do one thing: complete the mission and move on with no regrets.

Of course the girl caused trouble as soon as she walked on board. I didn't blame K for not liking her and for wanting her blaster. It was a nice one. She could keep it but there was no damn way I was trusting her. I almost laughed when she said that trust goes both ways. As if she knew the meaning of that word.

Once on Jedha she wasn't much help either. Saving that little girl was just stupid. Brave, but stupid. It's sentiment like that that has no place in war. She was lucky I was there to save her ass. Although she could hold her own in a fight; no surprise, if she was raised by Saw Gerrera. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of any stick she's got in her hands. The problem is that valour without a cause to apply it to means absolutely nothing. The girl was nothing but a dangerous time bomb.

—

The turbulent ride away from Jedha was nothing compared to the maelstrom in my mind. When my mother had been killed and my father taken away I soon lost all hope of ever seeing them again. And then when Saw abandoned me I lost my trust in others. I was alone and determined to be only dependent and responsible for myself. I shut everything and everyone out and focused on surviving day by day. I worked on building up defences of iron around me that no one could tear down.

But in that moment as the planet was destroyed and rocks and sand fell around us, I had never felt more lost. Saw was dead, after having told me that all he ever did was only to protect me and keep me safe. He was gone, after saying that not a day went by that he hadn't thought of me. And my father, my father had also not forgotten me, nor stopped fighting. He had risked his life all these years in order to insert a weakness into the Death Star and give the Rebel Alliance a chance to defeat it. He had said that his love for me had never failed. Was I really as alone as I thought?

I knew in that moment that I had to give everything to find my father. The captain's mission was to extract him so I would continue to go along with him for the moment. The words that my father told Bhodi also resonated within me: "You can make it right if you're brave enough to listen to what's in your heart and do something about it."

Even if the captain didn't believe me, I knew that my father was not a supporter of the Empire. It was all black and white for the captain - Empire or Rebel Alliance. He couldn't understand, couldn't see how my father sacrificed himself for the rebellion. What did he know of being forced to make a choice?

—

I was not very happy about being captured and imprisoned by Gerrera's rebels. Being shut in with two ex-Guardians of the Whills just made me even more short-tempered. I had no time for the blind guy's vague references to me and prisons. What did he say to me - "I sense you carry yours wherever you go"? He didn't know the first thing about me and especially not the things I carried around with me in my mind. There was too much loss and pain and things that I've done for the rebellion that even I tried to stay out of my thoughts.

When the place started collapsing around us, I wasn't quite sure why I bothered to go look for the girl. I had the pilot and Erso's location and didn't really need her. She would just end up being a liability and interference. Maybe I did it because sometimes I needed to prove to myself that I _was_ one of the good guys. That I was capable of saving lives too. Plus she bothers the hell out of K and it was good to have someone with a sharp tongue and wit to put the sassy droid in his place every now and then.

The mission remained the same though, despite the girl's opinions on her father's innocence. I had just seen what the monster he had created was capable of doing; how was I supposed to believe that all along he was secretly working for the Rebel Alliance and had worked a fault into the thing? Especially since the actual message was conveniently missing.

The girl did seem suddenly eager though. She was more than reluctant to come along at first and now she was suddenly wanting to rescue her father and go to Scarif to steal some files. Where's the girl who wanted to run? The sudden change did not make me particular willing to trust her either.

—

When Chirrut first said that Andor had the looks of a killer, I didn't want to believe him. But when K2SO said that his weapon was in sniper configuration, I knew something wasn't right. And when rebel ships suddenly appeared and began bombing the Research Facility, I knew I had been used and betrayed. When he suddenly appeared on the platform and dragged me away from my father, I could tell that he didn't care about what had happened and I was filled with a fury that I had never felt before.

I was mad at Andor for lying, for not taking me seriously and for not believing me about my father. In that moment I hated the Rebel Alliance more than ever before, thinking that it was no better than the Empire - killing whoever stands in the way of their plans. And I hated Andor for being one of their pawns and blindly following their disillusioned ideals. I didn't care that he hadn't actually pulled to trigger to kill to my father or that he had come to the platform to get me. I was sick of constantly being deceived and left in the dark.

But he just stood there, no guilt or regret on his face. Instead he had the nerve to tell me that I didn't care about anything, that I was running away from what I had lost and not willing to stand up and do something about it. He was angry, a slight shift in his usual impassive expression. But he did not seem as shaken as I was. He was still convinced in his beliefs and sure of what he stood for.

I knew that I didn't stand for anything. I had spent my entire life avoiding anything that I could feel responsible for and running away from the fight. I thought of my father who had died believing in the cause of the rebellion and I knew in that moment that unless I continued that fight, he and my mother would've died in vain. I may not have cared about the rebellion, but I cared about my father.

"Suddenly the rebellion is real for you," Andor had thrown in my face and stormed away. I realized that he too had been forged by his past and had come out with an iron will and determination. He was a man to be feared, not trusted.

—

Why I disobeyed a direct order and failed to accomplish my mission is another good question. We were in a really bad spot - the ship was grounded, the comms were down, there was a giant planet killer on the loose and I was about to take down the guy who had simultaneously built it and planned for it to blow up. I rarely question my orders but something just felt off. I remembered what Bodhi had told the girl: "You can make it right if you're brave enough to listen to what's in your heart and do something about it." So I did; I followed my gut feeling and put the gun down.

Things just went from bad to worse. I saw Jyn crawling around the platform and then K said that a rebel squadron was about to come in guns blazing. I was risking a lot, going back down towards the platform but I had made a choice and wasn't about to leave Jyn behind. I reached her just in time. I can't say that I felt terrible about her father but I did feel bad for her. I knew what it was like to watch your family get killed right in front of your eyes and it wasn't something you forgot easily.

I wasn't surprised when she turned on me like a savage tiger but I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of yelling at me. I had just saved her sorry ass again and did not owe her anything. I did not need to explain anything to her but ended up giving her a piece of my mind anyway.

What right did she have going around talking about choices. What did she know about fighting for a cause and living that fight every single day? She wasn't the only one in this galaxy and whether she liked it or not, she was in the middle of a battle. The universe doesn't tend to give us a choice about whether we want to fight or not; it was time she stopped trying to play both sides and picked one.

—

I had made a choice to fight and I could not be dissuaded to back down. Even though half of the council didn't believe me or were too afraid, I would stand up against the Empire. I knew better than anyone that running away brings you nowhere. I realized that the day had come when I needed to make a choice; if not, it would be too late to do anything.

When one of the council members asked what hope we had, I was fully aware of the irony when I repeated Cassian's words: "Rebellions are built on hope." I knew that he stood strong for what he believed in, just like my father and mother. Now that I too, had found what I believed in, I would stand just as strong.

When the council refused to stand with me, I knew that I once again I was alone. I was frustrated that they still couldn't understand but I knew that I had to keep fighting, even if all the odds were against me. There were no half measures to be taken here.

Nothing could describe the feeling when Bodhi said he wanted to fight as well and Baze and Chirrut stood there in silent support. But then when I turned and saw none other than Cassian standing there I was completely overwhelmed and speechless. "Everything I did, it was for a cause I believed in. A cause that was worth it. Without that, we're lost; everything we've done would've been for nothing. I couldn't face myself if I gave up now," he told me.

I realized that I had become the symbol of the cause that he was fighting for. I represented the hope that he had dedicated his life to sustaining. I had made the choice to stay and fight when things got bad and he was willing to follow me, to believe me, to trust me.

I knew that I couldn't disappoint Cassian, couldn't let any of them down. I was not only fighting for myself or my father, I was fighting for them as well. Strangely, I was more happy in that moment than ever. I had finally found a purpose, a reason to live and make a difference. It was a good feeling.

—

When she repeated my words to the council I knew that Jyn had made her choice and was proud of her. I also knew that she wasn't going to back down easy. She was a fighter and now that she had finally found something to fight for she wasn't going to stop. Even when the council didn't support her, I could tell that was still going to keep going on her own.

Jyn wasn't about to give up anytime soon and I realized that neither was I. I had dedicated my entire life to the rebellion and seeing the Rebel Alliance slowly fall apart because they were faced with a force beyond their power was a huge punch in the gut. They weren't just giving up on the cause, they were giving up on everyone who had fought and died for it.

I believed Jyn the moment she wasn't willing to step down. The moment when she was ready to face the Death Star itself on her own. She had the strength and will to keep fighting even though it seemed hopeless - because she had hope! And if at least one person is still holding on to something, then all is not lost yet.

I made the choice to stand by her because I wasn't one to back down easily either. Or watch as my entire life fell away to mean nothing. Jyn was wiling to make it mean something and for that I would follow her, believe in her, trust her.

"I'm not used to people sticking around when things get rough," she told me. I promised myself that I would show her that she wasn't alone, that she wasn't the only one willing to risk everything. And I knew that I wasn't the only one who was ready to follow her either. Bodhi, Chirrut and Baze were already standing by her and I had plenty of others in the Intelligence Service who weren't going to back down without a fight.

I had never been one to take careless risks or purposely put myself in harms way. But in that moment as Jyn and I walked out together onto the landing pad, there was no hesitation. We both knew the chances of success were slim but be we had hope and the determination to see it through to the end.

—

Despite feeling the adrenaline rush of our reckless initiative, I was incredibly nervous. I knew I had to hide it for the men and tried to give them some words to hold on to. We were about to go up against the Empire in a direct strike and the chances of success weren't very high. I couldn't let me fear show though. I drew my courage and reassurance from Cassian's calm presence at my side. He had shown that he trusted me; it was my turn to prove myself worthy of that trust.

It was Cassian's plan to take the uniforms of the two who came on board for the inspection. He was a good captain and knew what he was doing. As we entered the base with K2 I found myself relying on him for our next move. It was a strange feeling - definitely not something I was used to. It was surprisingly easy to trust him though. We had both made our choice and now there was nothing to do but to keep going, side by side until this was over.

He kept looking at me for confirmation though. I figured we were both in way over our heads and desperately relying on each other for strength and support. When K2 told us that they had closed the shield, I had an even worse feeling in my stomach but Cassian didn't freak out. He had a plan and would follow it through. He still trusted in us, in me. And then when K2 went quiet, he looked at me as if I gave him the strength to continue and I knew that I couldn't let him down. I had to keep going for him, for K2 and for all the other guys fighting out there on the beach.

We were in a bad situation, but I had been in many of those and had always managed to get myself out. My mind worked quickly: blow the glass, get the file, climb out. I knew I could do this and if anything happened, I knew that Cassian had my back.

And he did. He covered me, gave me the chance to get out of range. When the second bullet ripped into him and he fell I was about to go after him. Leaving him there was one of the hardest things I had ever done but I knew that I had to keep going. Whatever else happened, I would send that file and finish the mission. And so I tore my eyes away from Cassian and began climbing.

—

I could tell that Jyn was nervous and she had good reason to be. She was good at covering it up though and managed to give a reasonable rousing speech. "If we make it to the ground, we'll take the next chance. On and on until we've won or the chances are spent," she said. Not exactly the most encouraging words but we all knew what we were getting into and they were better words to hold on to than anything else.

When the doors of the base closed in front of us and we were taken into the citadel, I knew that there was no one else I wanted by my side than Jyn in that moment. She was smart, brave and not afraid to fight. I realized that I trusted her and that she trusted me. It was strange, working with someone else - needing someone else - for a mission, but it felt good.

And she didn't let me down. I almost gave up on our chances of success when K said goodbye and the lights went out. But when I looked at her and saw that I wasn't alone, I knew that we still had a chance. When it came down to her taking the lead she never hesitated. She blasted that glass, took off the heavy disguise and jumped.

I was right behind her, ready to follow and cover her. Even when I fell with two bullets in my side and leg and the breath knocked out of me, I saw her keep going, keep fighting. She hadn't lost hope and I couldn't either - I owed her that. I was still alive, still had a chance to do something so I was going to take it, bullets be damned.

—

When Krennic collapsed and I saw Cassian standing there, gun in hand, barely holding himself up as he leaned against the column, I knew we had done it. Never mind that neither of us were barely able to walk - against all odds we had done it together. The mission was accomplished and my father's lifelong work was justified.

As the elevator took us down to the beach, I felt completely at peace. And I realized that I wasn't alone. I had a friend beside me. A friend who trusted me and whom I trusted with my life. A friend who had believed in me and stood by my side even though few else had.

We reached the bottom at the same time that a brilliant beam of green flashed above us. We stumbled to the edge of the beach and collapsed beside the water. I knew that we weren't getting out of there but the thought of dying was not at all terrifying.

"You're father would've been proud of me," he said to me. His eyes told me that he was proud of me too. I took his hand in a silent thank you. I hadn't deserved being given a second chance. I hadn't deserved his trust or his friendship but I was glad for it.

In the end, when it came down to that last moment, there was nowhere else I wanted to be. I was finally done running. I was with a friend.

—

She looked happy to see me and considering I had just saved her life for the third time she should have been! I still couldn't quite believe that it was over, that the mission was accomplished. I wasn't very positive about my chances of making it but she seemed so happy that it was hard not to share in it. We had done it, after all.

I was glad she was there because I don't think I would've been able to make it down on my own. It was the first time that I ever had to lean on someone else for help, the first time I had a friend standing by side. It was a good feeling.

As we sank down into the sand and faced the rising horizon coming toward us, I was grateful that she was there beside me. She deserved more than being abandoned on an exploding planet but I was thankful that she had stayed by my side. It was a good way to go out, I thought - I had never given up, had served the rebellion until my dying breath.

I embraced Jyn as a silent thank you and final gift - turning her away from the wall of death so that she didn't have to look at it coming closer. I held her tight, letting her know that she wasn't alone either. That she was with a friend.


End file.
